( her forgiveness. a gift too easily given. wanting makes us weak, the darkling had said — she wonders if the same isn't true of alia, tame in her palm, so desperately hopeful for alina to be perfect that she's blind to her cracks and creases. that she might thank alina for every hurt that she's been made to endure, under alina's watch — as if she's forgotten the blood on her hands means alina's are equally dirty, too, in spirit.
her sister, her responsibility, her mess to clean. )
If I had kept you safe all this time, you would have never become a weapon in their hands. I would have known how to help you. I would have never let this place use you to punish us. You needed me, and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't free you.
I am the worst person to speak of "should", Alina-my-dear. Perhaps I should ask for it as well. I do not think it would be given, though.
[From the Targaryens, from the thousands whose lives she's given to the desert, from the people of Arrakis who fear and loathe and worship her. Alia has never sought forgiveness from anyone -- save Alina, that night, on her knees, shame-faced and penitent for the first and only time.]
I did not tell you about me. What I could do. We agreed upon that, remember? Just-Alia. Just-Alina. You gave me what I wanted, what nobody else ever has. Do not apologize for that.
And I allowed this place to take that dream from you.
( from the both of them, existing in their little cozy fantasy bubble — this game has taken a pin to it, deflating it with one echoing pop. alina scrubs a hand over her face, pinches between her eyebrows. for all that it's true, she feels spun in circles, following the cyclical nature of this conversation. alia forgives her. alina doesn't want forgiveness. neither of them were meant for compromise. and so the circle continues.
she pivots toward an issue with an easier solution, instead. )
They don't have to forgive you. They just have to accept what's done is done.
I've made a bargain with Queen Alicent. She's promised me your safety. Whether you believe she means it is another question.
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no subject
( her forgiveness. a gift too easily given. wanting makes us weak, the darkling had said — she wonders if the same isn't true of alia, tame in her palm, so desperately hopeful for alina to be perfect that she's blind to her cracks and creases. that she might thank alina for every hurt that she's been made to endure, under alina's watch — as if she's forgotten the blood on her hands means alina's are equally dirty, too, in spirit.
her sister, her responsibility, her mess to clean. )
If I had kept you safe all this time, you would have never become a weapon in their hands.
I would have known how to help you. I would have never let this place use you to punish us.
You needed me, and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't free you.
no subject
[From the Targaryens, from the thousands whose lives she's given to the desert, from the people of Arrakis who fear and loathe and worship her. Alia has never sought forgiveness from anyone -- save Alina, that night, on her knees, shame-faced and penitent for the first and only time.]
I did not tell you about me. What I could do. We agreed upon that, remember?
Just-Alia. Just-Alina.
You gave me what I wanted, what nobody else ever has. Do not apologize for that.
no subject
( from the both of them, existing in their little cozy fantasy bubble — this game has taken a pin to it, deflating it with one echoing pop. alina scrubs a hand over her face, pinches between her eyebrows. for all that it's true, she feels spun in circles, following the cyclical nature of this conversation. alia forgives her. alina doesn't want forgiveness. neither of them were meant for compromise. and so the circle continues.
she pivots toward an issue with an easier solution, instead. )
They don't have to forgive you. They just have to accept what's done is done.
I've made a bargain with Queen Alicent. She's promised me your safety.
Whether you believe she means it is another question.