There seem to be more of us than I expected. The other half of the time, I think the people used to places like this are speaking nonsense.
The woman who took me in as a child. She was ( no warmth, all bite, her tough love like a harsh winter's embrace. ) strict in making sure I had the right tools to secure a future. Not many girls escape a life in the sorts of places I was raised.
You don't have to say that. It was so long ago that I barely remember what life was like before the orphanage.
( not strictly true, skilled as she has gotten at compartmentalizing her life into branching sections: before the sun summoner and after alina starkov died, replaced by someone (something) greater than herself. still. alicent's pity is all perceptive fingers, targeting a scab alina has avoiding picking at; easier to gently bat her hand away, than to let the other woman continue scratching up against it. )
I'm not special for that. Ravka's war has made orphans out of most of its children.
Before I was born. Before my mother was born, and her mother was born, and her mother's mother was born. It's all Ravka has known for so long that I wonder, sometimes, if anyone can remember when it first began.
I hope your home resolves it more quickly. Mine has been paying for the stubbornness of kings and queens for ages.
( i'm sorry for your loss, too she could say, shame-faced and stilted — but she's missed the window, now. stuffed her foot into her mouth, as alina starkov tends to do, and made any attempt to remove it seem fumbling and insincere.
even if she means it, from one grieving daughter to another. )
Sorry. I didn't mean to ... I've been told I have a terrible habit of getting morbid, which isn't pleasant for anyone.
[ the stubbornness of kings and queens strikes her in the chest. she placed the lives of her children above the fate of the realm, but she thought aegon could be led (and helaena, saved). aemond would be king of ashes, she knows it, and the smallfolk will be the ones to suffer for her sins.
an ill-omen, this girl she hardly knows, speaking of her past and their future. the path her house walks leads to ruin. perhaps the gods sent her here to reflect on that. ]
I suspect we have similar temperaments.
Having come from a court where sweet lies are common, I think that many bitter truths are worth the sting.
( naturally, her thoughts drift to nikolai, secrets encased in the middle of every word, like hard candies to chew on. all the easier — all the more dangerous — to swallow and digest, when they're sugared in half-truths.
a single year of it has seen her weary, mistrustful — she can't imagine a tooth-rotting lifetime of being fed sweet lies. her nose wrinkles, the dark jest ripped out of her before she can stop it: )
You mean you don't like courtiers pretending to kiss your feet while they plot new, inventive ways to betray you?
You're safe with me, in that case. I'm not much of a foot-kissing traitor. I guess that's the one advantage of not being born noble.
( haha ... just kidding ... only — alina has rarely known a noble whose smile wasn't a cutthroat blade, whose pride hasn't unbalanced the head on their shoulders. )
I don't envy you. It sounds like a lonely way to live.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
un: hightower
I fear I’m in much the same position as you, with little and less of what I know proving relevant within these walls.
Where did you learn your skills with herbs?
no subject
The other half of the time, I think the people used to places like this are speaking nonsense.
The woman who took me in as a child.
She was ( no warmth, all bite, her tough love like a harsh winter's embrace. ) strict in making sure I had the right tools to secure a future.
Not many girls escape a life in the sorts of places I was raised.
cw: abortifacients
[ a woman, she says, not a mother, bandaging a wound that never heals. ]
I’m sorry for your loss.
[ whatever the shape of it. ]
no subject
It was so long ago that I barely remember what life was like before the orphanage.
( not strictly true, skilled as she has gotten at compartmentalizing her life into branching sections: before the sun summoner and after alina starkov died, replaced by someone (something) greater than herself. still. alicent's pity is all perceptive fingers, targeting a scab alina has avoiding picking at; easier to gently bat her hand away, than to let the other woman continue scratching up against it. )
I'm not special for that.
Ravka's war has made orphans out of most of its children.
no subject
[ and she wishes for it again, with all that’s happened to her family. a selfish creature. ]
How long has Ravka’s war gone on? I fear that I come from a place on the precipice of terrible conflict.
[ as well as the loss that accompanies it, even greater than what she and rhaenyra will suffer as individuals. ]
no subject
It's all Ravka has known for so long that I wonder, sometimes, if anyone can remember when it first began.
I hope your home resolves it more quickly. Mine has been paying for the stubbornness of kings and queens for ages.
( i'm sorry for your loss, too she could say, shame-faced and stilted — but she's missed the window, now. stuffed her foot into her mouth, as alina starkov tends to do, and made any attempt to remove it seem fumbling and insincere.
even if she means it, from one grieving daughter to another. )
Sorry. I didn't mean to ...
I've been told I have a terrible habit of getting morbid, which isn't pleasant for anyone.
no subject
an ill-omen, this girl she hardly knows, speaking of her past and their future. the path her house walks leads to ruin. perhaps the gods sent her here to reflect on that. ]
I suspect we have similar temperaments.
Having come from a court where sweet lies are common, I think that many bitter truths are worth the sting.
no subject
a single year of it has seen her weary, mistrustful — she can't imagine a tooth-rotting lifetime of being fed sweet lies. her nose wrinkles, the dark jest ripped out of her before she can stop it: )
You mean you don't like courtiers pretending to kiss your feet while they plot new, inventive ways to betray you?
You're safe with me, in that case. I'm not much of a foot-kissing traitor.
I guess that's the one advantage of not being born noble.
no subject
and in the world of alina’s words, is she not the sweet traitor? ]
I shall have to seek out your honest company, then. It has been too long since anyone spoke to me as myself.
take two
( haha ... just kidding ... only — alina has rarely known a noble whose smile wasn't a cutthroat blade, whose pride hasn't unbalanced the head on their shoulders. )
I don't envy you. It sounds like a lonely way to live.
no subject
It can be. [ because she can’t admit that it is, not here. ] I suppose I know no any other way to compare it to, but I should like to learn.
no subject
( the implication, therein: alina is far too familiar with it. her eldest friend, outlasting even mal's companionship. )
But you'll find good company here. Or at least less knives that want to stab you in the back.
no subject
[ she’ll believe it when she sees it. ]