( she doesn't open the message for a long hour, dreading its contents. it disrupts the pattern she had thought they'd fallen into, besides — her avoidance of him, and lexi's need to be far from her, given how neither he nor dani had sought her out.
it takes even longer to craft a reply when she opens lexi's message to find its a question, and not a condemnation. well, she writes at first. i nearly died, twice. alia turned out to be a murderer. paul and jace came back ... wrong. and every person i accused, when no one cared to take my side, turned out to be as guilty as i thought, and only louis has apologized for it. in a shamed flurry, she backspaces, too wary to burden lexi with it. )
I've been better.
( understatement, when she's quite possibly had the worst two months of her life. still: )
Why? You've made it obvious you don't want to see me anymore.
( in case he's forgotten. it's self-punishing, the need to rush to remind him, before he can get one foot ahead in hating her. better to set herself up for it, and be prepared for the fallout. )
You could've woken up from your regular bouts of stupidity, and decided things were better for you without me.
I asked you to. Would it have been nice for you to trust me without the need for that? It certainly would have been easier. But you did need that. And I could handle it. And I invited it. I don't regret it.
I only hope you haven't lost trust in me since then.
I've never been a friend to anyone before. And I've never dealt with anything emotional before this place. I don't know that I could have done anything for you while you're suffering.
I just wouldn't have left you to feel alone in it, I guess. It is, unfortunately, the best I can offer. I'm utterly useless otherwise. I'm sure that doesn't surprise you, though.
( me. who can ever be expected to repair what is fundamentally broken? she swallows past the tightening knot in her throat. )
You stood by me in trying to find who did this to me. I haven't forgotten that. That's more than what most people did for me, even as they claimed to be my friend. You cared. You don't have to do more.
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@lexi
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it takes even longer to craft a reply when she opens lexi's message to find its a question, and not a condemnation. well, she writes at first. i nearly died, twice. alia turned out to be a murderer. paul and jace came back ... wrong. and every person i accused, when no one cared to take my side, turned out to be as guilty as i thought, and only louis has apologized for it. in a shamed flurry, she backspaces, too wary to burden lexi with it. )
I've been better.
( understatement, when she's quite possibly had the worst two months of her life. still: )
Why?
You've made it obvious you don't want to see me anymore.
( — says local oblivious girl, accidentally taking lexi's coma-disappearance personally. )
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You do know I've been asleep nearly a month now?
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oh. )
Not really.
No one tells me much of anything, and I haven't been up to being around other people.
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I'm sorry I haven't been here for you.
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( in case he's forgotten. it's self-punishing, the need to rush to remind him, before he can get one foot ahead in hating her. better to set herself up for it, and be prepared for the fallout. )
You could've woken up from your regular bouts of stupidity, and decided things were better for you without me.
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I only hope you haven't lost trust in me since then.
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( sulkish. says woman who was rubbing salt into her own wound, masochistically, two seconds before this message arrived in lexi's phone. )
What could you have done since then? Sleep?
I'm more jealous than angry.
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I don't know, though, in all honesty.
I've never been a friend to anyone before. And I've never dealt with anything emotional before this place. I don't know that I could have done anything for you while you're suffering.
I just wouldn't have left you to feel alone in it, I guess. It is, unfortunately, the best I can offer.
I'm utterly useless otherwise. I'm sure that doesn't surprise you, though.
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( me. who can ever be expected to repair what is fundamentally broken? she swallows past the tightening knot in her throat. )
You stood by me in trying to find who did this to me.
I haven't forgotten that. That's more than what most people did for me, even as they claimed to be my friend.
You cared. You don't have to do more.