( it means — that she's a fool, maybe, grasping onto her hope like a tiny sprout of green in a desert. if she had learned her lesson, it would be a dessicated thing, but that alternative — to feel her trust dead and wilting in her chest — frightens her more than the chance paul might disappoint her.
she exhales, a leaf-shaky breath. )
I don't want to have to ask him. Paul will tell me in time. I have to believe that.
( it's stupid, she knows, like — leaping blindly into a chasm, unsure of how far it drops, and expecting to land without scrapes and broken bones. still, she can't bear to be the one to extract it herself, to revisit every other doubt she'd had in the wake of the darkling's betrayal (had any of it been real? how long had he intended to deceive her? what else had he been hiding? would he have ever —)
she falters into a pause, pockmarked by pensiveness. then: )
You don't have to give me everything just because I ask for it.
no subject
she exhales, a leaf-shaky breath. )
I don't want to have to ask him.
Paul will tell me in time. I have to believe that.
( it's stupid, she knows, like — leaping blindly into a chasm, unsure of how far it drops, and expecting to land without scrapes and broken bones. still, she can't bear to be the one to extract it herself, to revisit every other doubt she'd had in the wake of the darkling's betrayal (had any of it been real? how long had he intended to deceive her? what else had he been hiding? would he have ever —)
she falters into a pause, pockmarked by pensiveness. then: )
You don't have to give me everything just because I ask for it.