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She swore to me she didn't remember that night.
Now you know she was telling the truth. Whatever took hold of her, it wasn't Alia.
( the greater question alina grapples to answer: had it been the ancestors housed within the walls of alia's body, or the manor dangling them by their strings like puppets in a child's play? )
I don't think we've been given a choice but to play our roles. Paul, he was
( it feels worse sharing this with jace than it had alicent. a fresh horror, for a dead man walking. )
He was dead when we brought me to shore.
This game will use us as pawns until it's finished with us.
Now you know she was telling the truth. Whatever took hold of her, it wasn't Alia.
( the greater question alina grapples to answer: had it been the ancestors housed within the walls of alia's body, or the manor dangling them by their strings like puppets in a child's play? )
I don't think we've been given a choice but to play our roles. Paul, he was
( it feels worse sharing this with jace than it had alicent. a fresh horror, for a dead man walking. )
He was dead when we brought me to shore.
This game will use us as pawns until it's finished with us.
I do not doubt her honesty in this, Lady Alina. For my heart to wholly know it is true, I will need to hear the words from her myself.
( and then she tells him more and he cannot fathom an answer to this. ) He had already succumbed... I am sorry.
If the magic here is strong enough for such a thing, I do not doubt the wolves amongst us will not be able to resist. The question becomes is will something happen to those with other roles as it did with Paul beyond his death?
( and then she tells him more and he cannot fathom an answer to this. ) He had already succumbed... I am sorry.
If the magic here is strong enough for such a thing, I do not doubt the wolves amongst us will not be able to resist. The question becomes is will something happen to those with other roles as it did with Paul beyond his death?
[ If she is a pawn, he will make her his. Though he's still not convinced that she can be useful -- that will remain to be seen. ]
Your patience, nothing more. Your interest in seeing how useful we can be to each other, come the next round of this game.
Your patience, nothing more. Your interest in seeing how useful we can be to each other, come the next round of this game.
( if only she felt a saint for it, and not like a tomb that's been excavated, some half-dead thing that's been made to walk among the living. more shambling body than jacaerys velaryon. more sankt ilya drowning in chains — the mother to an abomination of nature, merzost polluting her marrow, carving out her bones to sow life where nothing should ever grow. giving pieces of herself away, little by little, until she's hollowed insides.
it feels like minutes stretched to hours by the time alicent's knock comes, each second prolonged by the pervasive grief living in her chest. she refuses to ask the existential question of how a year might feel, a decade, a century of loves lost and friends forgotten — whether she might withstand digging each grave, or if aleksander had truly known what she risked burying with them. alina rises, instead. goes through the motions of living as she peels open the door, creaking like the voice in her throat. )
You shouldn't be wandering alone.
( light-footed, she steps away to invite alicent inside. the scant bit of sunlight peeking through the drawn curtains does little but shadow the tired, swollen cavities of her eyes. spotlights the waning, waxing paleness of alina's complexion, and snow-white strands that melt through the dark fall of her hair, more severe for how it's been haphazardly pinned to the back of her head. a hundred tiny details that age her beyond her years, in a universe that has made her fragilely eternal, an immortal contradiction of frailness and power. )
it feels like minutes stretched to hours by the time alicent's knock comes, each second prolonged by the pervasive grief living in her chest. she refuses to ask the existential question of how a year might feel, a decade, a century of loves lost and friends forgotten — whether she might withstand digging each grave, or if aleksander had truly known what she risked burying with them. alina rises, instead. goes through the motions of living as she peels open the door, creaking like the voice in her throat. )
You shouldn't be wandering alone.
( light-footed, she steps away to invite alicent inside. the scant bit of sunlight peeking through the drawn curtains does little but shadow the tired, swollen cavities of her eyes. spotlights the waning, waxing paleness of alina's complexion, and snow-white strands that melt through the dark fall of her hair, more severe for how it's been haphazardly pinned to the back of her head. a hundred tiny details that age her beyond her years, in a universe that has made her fragilely eternal, an immortal contradiction of frailness and power. )
Edited 2024-10-13 14:49 (UTC)
[ at the sight of her, alicent looses a rush of air, as if her very bones were held aloft by it. her grief has worn down her queenly mask, features carved open, shadows etched beneath her eyes and skin sallow. the pale blue of her cloak contrasts sharply with her black dress, lace climbing her neck. she slips her hood back and shakes her curls free of it, spread across her shoulders. ]
[ first, she scoffs, unstifled. then, her tone drops, bone-dry by choice and coarse by cost, ] My goodbrother has deigned to seek his ruin and left me untended, fool that he is. [ a roll of her eyes, any thought for decorum gone with the latest round of revivals and attacks. ]
Better his sword meet another’s flesh and not Alia’s, when it looks like to crumble.
[ her word kept, albeit not by her hand. she did not seek to dissuade him from his end, only learn why he sought the man he named. perhaps predictably, he and aemond both lack the sense to interrogate their findings. the folly of men, ever-troublesome.
as she steps within the room, alicent assesses the damage to alia’s person, expecting crusted red upon her skin, not icy white threaded through her hair. guided by impulse, she hooks an unbandaged finger under a snowspun wave, stepping closer to examine it in the low light. ]
[ first, she scoffs, unstifled. then, her tone drops, bone-dry by choice and coarse by cost, ] My goodbrother has deigned to seek his ruin and left me untended, fool that he is. [ a roll of her eyes, any thought for decorum gone with the latest round of revivals and attacks. ]
Better his sword meet another’s flesh and not Alia’s, when it looks like to crumble.
[ her word kept, albeit not by her hand. she did not seek to dissuade him from his end, only learn why he sought the man he named. perhaps predictably, he and aemond both lack the sense to interrogate their findings. the folly of men, ever-troublesome.
as she steps within the room, alicent assesses the damage to alia’s person, expecting crusted red upon her skin, not icy white threaded through her hair. guided by impulse, she hooks an unbandaged finger under a snowspun wave, stepping closer to examine it in the low light. ]
( thinly, the sides of alina's mouth stretch into a paper mache smile, frail and like to tear itself apart. if anything is unchanged, it's this: alicent hightower is unlikely to suffer a fool. pulled by instinct, the fat of alina's thumb smudges at the bruises painted beneath alicent's eyes, concerned by the dulled colors of her strength. she occupies no part of my heart any longer, paul had said, liar that he was. a boy searching for a mother, the way alina has always been drawn by a hard maternal hand, the way alina has ever been the orphan, unable to abandon the few things that have ever been hers.
mal. aleksander. now alicent. moth-eaten and riddled with holes, like keramzin's blankets, but still hers. in his death, she doubts paul's heart would begrudge her that. )
Men should have never made you a queen. ( this, she offers like an apology, for the barbs she had made on alicent's cleverness. men should have never made alina a queen, either, when she was always meant to be a reckoning. ) You should have been on a council, running circles around strategists.
( she holds still, for all that there's a small tense flinch in her shoulders, wanting to shy from inspection, the questions alicent must be shrewd enough to ask. you said i knew nothing of sacrifices, alina wants to say, still half-resigned to her bitterness. but i've never known how to stop paying the price for what i am. eyes drifting, she silently watches the strand loop around alicent's finger like a white-spun thread, instead. )
Perhaps he'll get lucky, ( he'll, she says, when it's we'll she means. bone-dry and flat, as if she's already coming to expect otherwise from such a rash choice. one she can't condemn, regardless, with baela taken from him. ) And he'll put down one wolf, by some ill-advised miracle, but I'm not wagering my life on it.
mal. aleksander. now alicent. moth-eaten and riddled with holes, like keramzin's blankets, but still hers. in his death, she doubts paul's heart would begrudge her that. )
Men should have never made you a queen. ( this, she offers like an apology, for the barbs she had made on alicent's cleverness. men should have never made alina a queen, either, when she was always meant to be a reckoning. ) You should have been on a council, running circles around strategists.
( she holds still, for all that there's a small tense flinch in her shoulders, wanting to shy from inspection, the questions alicent must be shrewd enough to ask. you said i knew nothing of sacrifices, alina wants to say, still half-resigned to her bitterness. but i've never known how to stop paying the price for what i am. eyes drifting, she silently watches the strand loop around alicent's finger like a white-spun thread, instead. )
Perhaps he'll get lucky, ( he'll, she says, when it's we'll she means. bone-dry and flat, as if she's already coming to expect otherwise from such a rash choice. one she can't condemn, regardless, with baela taken from him. ) And he'll put down one wolf, by some ill-advised miracle, but I'm not wagering my life on it.
[ just as alina flinches from her inspection, alicent braces under her touch, certain that a slap would sting less than the gentle arc of her thumb. why do you destroy yourself? her father’s eternal question looping in her unquiet, sleepless mind and aching fingers. a counter forms now where she has never before allowed it: how dare he ask why she burned, when it was he who walked her to the pyre?
the compliment (and she sees it as such) finds her wounded flesh, a balm to the deepest and oldest ache inside her. ]
They give us roles to imprison us. [ agreement, almost warm, on her tongue. roles within and outwith the game, for how different is a wolf from a pawn, or a mayor from a queen? ] I was not clever enough to see it as a girl, but now.
[ a shake of her head, a tousle of her hair, attempting to rid herself of lingering weakness. now alicent knows she did not lose her way. it was taken from her. she will not allow that again. ]
Nor should you. [ you meaning we. ] It shall remove one uncontrollable piece from the board, regardless. [ daemon, a known danger, or david, an unknown threat. it matters not. she releases the white strand only to slide her hand under alina’s sharp jaw, meeting her gaze. ]
And leave the wolves for us to claim.
[ like a prized kill or a cursed throne. they’ve three shots in the game and an endless number outwith it. better odds than the last round, if they aim wisely. ]
the compliment (and she sees it as such) finds her wounded flesh, a balm to the deepest and oldest ache inside her. ]
They give us roles to imprison us. [ agreement, almost warm, on her tongue. roles within and outwith the game, for how different is a wolf from a pawn, or a mayor from a queen? ] I was not clever enough to see it as a girl, but now.
[ a shake of her head, a tousle of her hair, attempting to rid herself of lingering weakness. now alicent knows she did not lose her way. it was taken from her. she will not allow that again. ]
Nor should you. [ you meaning we. ] It shall remove one uncontrollable piece from the board, regardless. [ daemon, a known danger, or david, an unknown threat. it matters not. she releases the white strand only to slide her hand under alina’s sharp jaw, meeting her gaze. ]
And leave the wolves for us to claim.
[ like a prized kill or a cursed throne. they’ve three shots in the game and an endless number outwith it. better odds than the last round, if they aim wisely. ]
( nodding, alina's chin tips under the blade-point of alicent's touch. imperial defiance, even as her neck strains under the weight of an invisible crown. not for alicent, no. but those that would see them as movable pawns on a board, two queens stripped of the protection of their knights and rooks. for the way they must want her to feel cornered into their checkmate, weak and vulnerable. easy to own, easier to control. a victory they might have succeeded in, if aleksander had not taught her the hard lesson of how to play a gruesome game.
a harsh swallow bobs her throat, the ragged line of scar tissue at her throat pulling taut. the soreness lingers, but it's a pleasant pain — secondary to the hole in her chest, keeping paul close to the chest, like a burial plot. )
Aemond wants to know who I've slighted. ( the corners of her eyes crinkle, but there's no spark of warmth in her eyes. just something vacuously tired, grimly resigned to the reality they live in. her fingers reach out, cuffing alicent's wrist, a ghostly light touch. ) I think it would be easier to list who I haven't insulted, lately.
( a breath billows out of her, though there's no sign of alina deflating, held taut to attention. rest, so many had said before. you should be resting. as if there's any peace in hiding away under the covers, and pretending the monster in the corner away. as if she can trust them with paul's justice. as if she isn't the voice who speaks for him, when his own can't. )
He views it from a place of pride. ( no insult meant to aemond, but it's what's to be expected of princes, upheld by their titles. nikolai would take it much the same — another point in favor of his vanity. she strokes, idly, over alicent's pulse point. ) But the only men who have ever hunted me were sick with obsession.
a harsh swallow bobs her throat, the ragged line of scar tissue at her throat pulling taut. the soreness lingers, but it's a pleasant pain — secondary to the hole in her chest, keeping paul close to the chest, like a burial plot. )
Aemond wants to know who I've slighted. ( the corners of her eyes crinkle, but there's no spark of warmth in her eyes. just something vacuously tired, grimly resigned to the reality they live in. her fingers reach out, cuffing alicent's wrist, a ghostly light touch. ) I think it would be easier to list who I haven't insulted, lately.
( a breath billows out of her, though there's no sign of alina deflating, held taut to attention. rest, so many had said before. you should be resting. as if there's any peace in hiding away under the covers, and pretending the monster in the corner away. as if she can trust them with paul's justice. as if she isn't the voice who speaks for him, when his own can't. )
He views it from a place of pride. ( no insult meant to aemond, but it's what's to be expected of princes, upheld by their titles. nikolai would take it much the same — another point in favor of his vanity. she strokes, idly, over alicent's pulse point. ) But the only men who have ever hunted me were sick with obsession.
Edited 2024-10-13 20:19 (UTC)
[ alicent can’t help but follow the line of the scar with her too big eyes, then with a delicate finger. a flickering gaze, checking for pain. she has never been harmed by a man in any way that would leave a scar, even as they diminished her, kept her, spilled themselves inside her. decades of little mockeries and neglect. larys had never even touched her — and yet he took from her all the same, bleeding her with every visitation.
there is something to be said for the undeniable, irrefutable brutality of alina’s harm. none can deny her. none can say she did not suffer — though men have tried, alicent grants. she may wear her pain as armour and reflect it back on those who would question it. ]
That is the way of it. [ men. ] They want for power — possession. They will take what would threaten them and think they might keep it. [ didn’t daemon ruin rhaenyra to buckle her claim? hadn’t larys sampled her flesh so she might be cowed by him? once cole had her, he thought he could command her. name her alicent, not your grace. ] Or they will cast it aside, as if that might lessen their weakness for it.
[ she thinks of aemond’s repeated dismissal of her and fails to keep the sourness from her pert mouth. ]
Let us take from them instead. [ with unmasked venom, she clarifies, ] Someone gave Daemon the name David Collins. I know him not, but I know Daemon as well as if he were mine own wretched brother, for all my husband loved and resented him — he is a Targaryen, forged in blood and fire. He trusts dragon dreams above all. If he has not seen it, someone else has and told him thusly. [ a necromancer, a seer. ] A tall man with a mask of pink, red or orange.
[ he could very well be her first attacker. ]
there is something to be said for the undeniable, irrefutable brutality of alina’s harm. none can deny her. none can say she did not suffer — though men have tried, alicent grants. she may wear her pain as armour and reflect it back on those who would question it. ]
That is the way of it. [ men. ] They want for power — possession. They will take what would threaten them and think they might keep it. [ didn’t daemon ruin rhaenyra to buckle her claim? hadn’t larys sampled her flesh so she might be cowed by him? once cole had her, he thought he could command her. name her alicent, not your grace. ] Or they will cast it aside, as if that might lessen their weakness for it.
[ she thinks of aemond’s repeated dismissal of her and fails to keep the sourness from her pert mouth. ]
Let us take from them instead. [ with unmasked venom, she clarifies, ] Someone gave Daemon the name David Collins. I know him not, but I know Daemon as well as if he were mine own wretched brother, for all my husband loved and resented him — he is a Targaryen, forged in blood and fire. He trusts dragon dreams above all. If he has not seen it, someone else has and told him thusly. [ a necromancer, a seer. ] A tall man with a mask of pink, red or orange.
[ he could very well be her first attacker. ]
( it takes concentrated effort to hold rigidly still, allowing alicent to inspect alina's grooves like a grotesque sculpture, carved by sharp hands and sharper cuts. power. possession. the bite engraved in alina's shoulder itches with phantom pain, as if it were fresh punishment — for her foolish hope there was anywhere in this world she might run from the darkling's shadow. anywhere he would not, could not follow her. even here, she lives with the ghost of his cruelty, his darkness threaded through her power like the blotted oozing of an ink stain. the one shelter she might have had, collapsed, the moment paul and alia had become its crumbled pillars.
a hard-learned reminder that there is no safety, for creatures like her. morozova's stag, meant to be mounted as a trophy on a collector's wall, for the prize of it. for the power of it. anxiously, she spins the loosened band of leto's ring where it dangles from a finger, rotating with the gears in her mind. )
I've never spoken with him. I couldn't tell you what he even looks like. ( her gaze drifts to a distant corner of the room, looking more like a memoriam for the dead than a space for the living, with the relics of paul's books stacked high. alina's expression pinches, like a screw being tightened, to keep from what wants to spill free from her. ) But I've suffered the hatred of strangers all my life for what I am. Perhaps he didn't need much more of a reason to wish me dead.
( her mother's daughter, first. grisha, second. a misfit among misfits. the glassiness of her eyes wipe themselves clear with her next blink, more alive than ever, with alicent's venom seeping beneath her skin, her insides corroded by a fresh burst of grief. )
Whoever came for us didn't come alone. They wanted the comfort of knowing I wouldn't survive. Or — ( they had wanted paul gone, punishment for the life he had spared. one death, traded for another. alina's mouth pinches, steels itself from its wobble, as her eyelashes flutter. a rapid shuttering, against the moisture that swells. coward would be too kind a name for it. ) Does David Collins have allies among us? Friends? Family? A lover? Enemies he might convince, even.
a hard-learned reminder that there is no safety, for creatures like her. morozova's stag, meant to be mounted as a trophy on a collector's wall, for the prize of it. for the power of it. anxiously, she spins the loosened band of leto's ring where it dangles from a finger, rotating with the gears in her mind. )
I've never spoken with him. I couldn't tell you what he even looks like. ( her gaze drifts to a distant corner of the room, looking more like a memoriam for the dead than a space for the living, with the relics of paul's books stacked high. alina's expression pinches, like a screw being tightened, to keep from what wants to spill free from her. ) But I've suffered the hatred of strangers all my life for what I am. Perhaps he didn't need much more of a reason to wish me dead.
( her mother's daughter, first. grisha, second. a misfit among misfits. the glassiness of her eyes wipe themselves clear with her next blink, more alive than ever, with alicent's venom seeping beneath her skin, her insides corroded by a fresh burst of grief. )
Whoever came for us didn't come alone. They wanted the comfort of knowing I wouldn't survive. Or — ( they had wanted paul gone, punishment for the life he had spared. one death, traded for another. alina's mouth pinches, steels itself from its wobble, as her eyelashes flutter. a rapid shuttering, against the moisture that swells. coward would be too kind a name for it. ) Does David Collins have allies among us? Friends? Family? A lover? Enemies he might convince, even.
Alina - it's Hawkins Fuller.
I don't doubt I might be one of the last people you want to hear from, but I wanted to reiterate my apology and extend my condolences.
I didn't know Paul, but Alia is...she's important to me. She spoke highly of him.
And you - I'm sorry they came for you again.
I don't doubt I might be one of the last people you want to hear from, but I wanted to reiterate my apology and extend my condolences.
I didn't know Paul, but Alia is...she's important to me. She spoke highly of him.
And you - I'm sorry they came for you again.
It would petty to hold a grudge when we share a cause. And if Alia is important to you, I can forgive it.
I'm sorry they chose to make an example out of Tim and so many others.
( she's not proud of the first whisper of paranoia that hisses through her — that hawk comes to her as an asset, not a girl. the last thread that could hold the fabric of his life together, if the worst comes to pass. she smothers it in its inception, before it has the chance to poison her trust further, as in need of allies as she is. )
Someone took their failure to kill me personally, I think. They brought someone with them the second time.
I'm not intending to give them a third chance to fix their mistake.
I'm sorry they chose to make an example out of Tim and so many others.
( she's not proud of the first whisper of paranoia that hisses through her — that hawk comes to her as an asset, not a girl. the last thread that could hold the fabric of his life together, if the worst comes to pass. she smothers it in its inception, before it has the chance to poison her trust further, as in need of allies as she is. )
Someone took their failure to kill me personally, I think. They brought someone with them the second time.
I'm not intending to give them a third chance to fix their mistake.
Edited 2024-10-14 04:12 (UTC)
There's no perhaps. They are working together.
There were two of them, when they came for Paul and I. I suppose he was too weak to take care of a little girl himself.
( she can't bring herself to say i didn't see it happen. all i remember is waking up to see him dead. dead. dead. dead. her expression pinches against the fresh surge of moisture to her eyes, like trying to tighten a loose valve, for all that she's certain she's emptied any water she has left in her system. bled of her blood, bled of her tears. nothing left in her veins except numb grief, and icy hatred for paul's killer. for her own helplessness. )
There's nothing for you to be sorry for. You're not the one who has taken something from me.
If Alicent and I discover more names, will you stand with us?
There were two of them, when they came for Paul and I. I suppose he was too weak to take care of a little girl himself.
( she can't bring herself to say i didn't see it happen. all i remember is waking up to see him dead. dead. dead. dead. her expression pinches against the fresh surge of moisture to her eyes, like trying to tighten a loose valve, for all that she's certain she's emptied any water she has left in her system. bled of her blood, bled of her tears. nothing left in her veins except numb grief, and icy hatred for paul's killer. for her own helplessness. )
There's nothing for you to be sorry for. You're not the one who has taken something from me.
If Alicent and I discover more names, will you stand with us?
( i would have to be truly desperate to accept that offer comes the first childish lash of anger, with nowhere to lay down her rage. she backspaces, finds the petty i thought you didn't need my protection does her no favors, in a manor where everything is in excess — save for trust, save for allies. for a few suspended moments, there's three hovering dots on armand's screen, alina starkov is typing ... )
I'm afraid we'll find that out soon enough.
Keep safe, Armand.
I'm afraid we'll find that out soon enough.
Keep safe, Armand.
Edited 2024-10-14 14:29 (UTC)
Neither am I. I don't want them taking another shot at you or Tim. Or anyone else.
Thank you, for backing him. I didn't think anyone would believe it without the right evidence, but that Jem girl - seems pretty compelling. I don't know anything about her other than what played out the other night.
I'm sharing something else with you - because it's important and we need to be strategic on this if we want to survive.
I don't think Danny is the only pink, orange, or red-masked attacker.
Some guy named David? Another dream - vision - whatever the hell it is, but they're otherwise credible. Cross-reference the interest in knives, tall men, and the masks, and you're left with this: Zoro, Danny, and David.
It's not as much to go on as I'd like, but I trust both sources. People have gotten accused for less.
[like a fucking CHICKEN.]
Danny will get the votes - from the people who knew Embry, from Tim, you. I'm not worried about him getting locked up. This other guy, I think that's gonna need more of a push. I'm gonna back that play.
Thank you, for backing him. I didn't think anyone would believe it without the right evidence, but that Jem girl - seems pretty compelling. I don't know anything about her other than what played out the other night.
I'm sharing something else with you - because it's important and we need to be strategic on this if we want to survive.
I don't think Danny is the only pink, orange, or red-masked attacker.
Some guy named David? Another dream - vision - whatever the hell it is, but they're otherwise credible. Cross-reference the interest in knives, tall men, and the masks, and you're left with this: Zoro, Danny, and David.
It's not as much to go on as I'd like, but I trust both sources. People have gotten accused for less.
[like a fucking CHICKEN.]
Danny will get the votes - from the people who knew Embry, from Tim, you. I'm not worried about him getting locked up. This other guy, I think that's gonna need more of a push. I'm gonna back that play.
I would've wanted the same for me.
It's hard to find your voice when everyone wants to smother it.
With any luck, Tim might find some peace, however small it is.
( a beat of hesitation, for the information alicent had shared in private, but hawk has proven he's nothing if not a determined man, an iron backbone that doesn't soften. so: )
Alicent gave me his name.
From what I understand, Daemon Targaryen has reason to believe he's guilty, and intends to have his revenge.
You might not want to stand in the way of a madman's warpath. It rarely ends well.
If Daemon fails, then we'll deal with him. You'll have my support.
It's hard to find your voice when everyone wants to smother it.
With any luck, Tim might find some peace, however small it is.
( a beat of hesitation, for the information alicent had shared in private, but hawk has proven he's nothing if not a determined man, an iron backbone that doesn't soften. so: )
Alicent gave me his name.
From what I understand, Daemon Targaryen has reason to believe he's guilty, and intends to have his revenge.
You might not want to stand in the way of a madman's warpath. It rarely ends well.
If Daemon fails, then we'll deal with him. You'll have my support.
Edited 2024-10-15 01:55 (UTC)
I know things are - not perfect right now, between you two. But I trust Alicent. And I trust you.
Maybe Daemon's the one with the right idea this time. Better than waiting around to get picked off one by one. Unless he's innocent.
And if he's not? We'll nail him down, just like we are with Danny. I've got a better feeling about this go-around, and I'm not exactly an optimist.
But I am sorry about Paul. Do you think...you can bring him back, can't you?
Maybe Daemon's the one with the right idea this time. Better than waiting around to get picked off one by one. Unless he's innocent.
And if he's not? We'll nail him down, just like we are with Danny. I've got a better feeling about this go-around, and I'm not exactly an optimist.
But I am sorry about Paul. Do you think...you can bring him back, can't you?
To be exceptional is to be seen monstrous by many. To have true power, to witness even a fraction of it — many would find it grotesque. The commonfolk are not meant to perceive it in full, only to glance at its edges and settle with their small wondering.
[ how the smallfolk look at the targaryens and their dragons as gods. how revered their name is, how feared their dragons are — and this war between family has torn the shroud of their magnanimity. fire and blood — fire burns everything that blood cannot drown, and now they're laid bare for all to see. ]
I won't pretend to understand how you feel about her, or the circumstances that led to your Alia's incarceration. Is it love? Is that what compels you to stand by her even in the face of her aggressions, manipulated as she had been?
[ how the smallfolk look at the targaryens and their dragons as gods. how revered their name is, how feared their dragons are — and this war between family has torn the shroud of their magnanimity. fire and blood — fire burns everything that blood cannot drown, and now they're laid bare for all to see. ]
I won't pretend to understand how you feel about her, or the circumstances that led to your Alia's incarceration. Is it love? Is that what compels you to stand by her even in the face of her aggressions, manipulated as she had been?
She could have turned away from helping me. Either of you could have.
That's not a kindness someone forgets.
Especially when I'm making more enemies than friends, lately.
Because you're not afraid to be bold, like some of the others. It's how we'll survive.
If we're being honest ... I don't care if it was Jem's footprint, or Tiffany's, or whoever's.
I'll whittle down every single one of Danny Johnson's allies until I find who helped him that night.
( hunt them ruthlessly, alicent had proposed — she's not above cornering him as he had cornered her, an animal in the steel maw of a trap. )
That's not a kindness someone forgets.
Especially when I'm making more enemies than friends, lately.
Because you're not afraid to be bold, like some of the others. It's how we'll survive.
If we're being honest ... I don't care if it was Jem's footprint, or Tiffany's, or whoever's.
I'll whittle down every single one of Danny Johnson's allies until I find who helped him that night.
( hunt them ruthlessly, alicent had proposed — she's not above cornering him as he had cornered her, an animal in the steel maw of a trap. )
( the rest — it takes a moment to filter in, fingeritps twitching, thinking of the what if, what if, what if. what if it misfires, this time. what if she's spent up her one resurrection. what if she's dead before the time comes. what if even making the attempt takes more from her. )
It's complicated, but ... if I can bring Jacaerys back, I can bring Paul back.
I just have to stay alive long enough to get the chance.
It's complicated, but ... if I can bring Jacaerys back, I can bring Paul back.
I just have to stay alive long enough to get the chance.
( the commonfolk. not so long ago, alina would have counted herself among them. now, she thinks of fingers scrabbling at her skin, wringing her hair — a thousand ravkan hands hoping for some token of sankta alina, some souvenir of her power to take for themselves, even at the cost of a pound of her flesh. )
We have a saying among my people. Like calls to like. It means ...
We're drawn to find the same elements that live inside of us. What we were born from, at the Making, binds us together.
Your Vhagar's fire calls to your blood, and so you understand each other, down to your soul, like no one else could. Alia and Paul are made from the same light that burns inside of me, and so we understand each other, down to our souls, like no one else ever has.
To be exceptional is to be seen as monstrous, I know that. And to be monstrous is to be unknown and alone. They're the only ones I've ever known that saw the whole of me, and never flinched from it or wanted me to be something I can't be. Everyone else who has ever claimed to love me only wanted whatever version of myself they found easiest to love.
That makes her special to me. Even when I'm frightened of her. Even when I'm frightened for her. Of course I love her.
We have a saying among my people. Like calls to like. It means ...
We're drawn to find the same elements that live inside of us. What we were born from, at the Making, binds us together.
Your Vhagar's fire calls to your blood, and so you understand each other, down to your soul, like no one else could. Alia and Paul are made from the same light that burns inside of me, and so we understand each other, down to our souls, like no one else ever has.
To be exceptional is to be seen as monstrous, I know that. And to be monstrous is to be unknown and alone. They're the only ones I've ever known that saw the whole of me, and never flinched from it or wanted me to be something I can't be. Everyone else who has ever claimed to love me only wanted whatever version of myself they found easiest to love.
That makes her special to me. Even when I'm frightened of her. Even when I'm frightened for her. Of course I love her.
( after, when the hecticness has settled: )
It still hurts to speak, sometimes.
( it's two-fold: an apology for the text on dani's screen, and the veil she's chosen to hide behind, like a funeral shroud, sparing herself the agony of having to be constantly seen and heard as she feels — half-decayed, some spirit clinging to life. for defiance's sake, if not for the sake of paul's justice, if not for alia's protection. )
Are you alright?
Things got ugly. Well, uglier than last time.
It still hurts to speak, sometimes.
( it's two-fold: an apology for the text on dani's screen, and the veil she's chosen to hide behind, like a funeral shroud, sparing herself the agony of having to be constantly seen and heard as she feels — half-decayed, some spirit clinging to life. for defiance's sake, if not for the sake of paul's justice, if not for alia's protection. )
Are you alright?
Things got ugly. Well, uglier than last time.
Some peace would be a nice change. Though I've a feeling we won't be seeing that for a long time.
It feels a little like home, for all the wrong reasons.
If Nikolai were here, he would say the constant threat on my life is a compliment to my strength or popularity.
Or something equally stupid.
( she misses him, and the safety net of that alliance, regardless. )
You're alright? In one piece, still?
It feels a little like home, for all the wrong reasons.
If Nikolai were here, he would say the constant threat on my life is a compliment to my strength or popularity.
Or something equally stupid.
( she misses him, and the safety net of that alliance, regardless. )
You're alright? In one piece, still?
Does it? Feels a bit like mine, with less water. Less Marines too.
Nikolai -- Nami mentioned him. He was here at the beginning?
I'm sorry. About him and
Everything, I guess. That doesn't feel like nearly enough, but I am. I hate that this place is hurting people.
I hate that it's hurting my friends.
Oh, you know. I'm always all right.
It's been tricky without my glasses, though. They don't fit over my mask.
Nikolai -- Nami mentioned him. He was here at the beginning?
I'm sorry. About him and
Everything, I guess. That doesn't feel like nearly enough, but I am. I hate that this place is hurting people.
I hate that it's hurting my friends.
Oh, you know. I'm always all right.
It's been tricky without my glasses, though. They don't fit over my mask.
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