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( it's too strange and unexpected of a compliment for alina to be suspicious of flattery. unheard, she laughs quiet in her throat, and regrets it immediately for the raw scrape that tears through it. )
I'll endeavor to start more ill-advised fights once this is done, in case she finds things too tedious.
( her good-humored sarcasm fades, like an immediate dimming of one small fractal of light, gone too soon. the question, and the answer in alina's fingertips, throbs like a pained bruise. )
Alia is special. Many would call her an abomination for her birthright.
She isn't, to me. I understand what it's like to be an oddity among people, and to be distrusted for what you are.
Alia was meant to be free of that here, and this place could have chosen to wield her like a knife.
Now she worries all the things they say have truth to them. Now she worries she's the one that failed me.
I'll endeavor to start more ill-advised fights once this is done, in case she finds things too tedious.
( her good-humored sarcasm fades, like an immediate dimming of one small fractal of light, gone too soon. the question, and the answer in alina's fingertips, throbs like a pained bruise. )
Alia is special. Many would call her an abomination for her birthright.
She isn't, to me. I understand what it's like to be an oddity among people, and to be distrusted for what you are.
Alia was meant to be free of that here, and this place could have chosen to wield her like a knife.
Now she worries all the things they say have truth to them. Now she worries she's the one that failed me.
The best I can do is a smiley face
Edited 2024-10-11 22:03 (UTC)
( ah. the one probing questioning alina doesn't want to bend to answering. )
I trust her with my life. Just not yours.
Alia wouldn't harm anyone without reason, unless this place pushed her to do it.
( what's unsaid: the evidence, much as alina would like to turn a blind eye to it, is stacked against alia — and alina no longer has the excuse of the same youth and naivety that had mottled her vision of the darkling. )
You know as I do that power isn't always so easy to control.
I trust her with my life. Just not yours.
Alia wouldn't harm anyone without reason, unless this place pushed her to do it.
( what's unsaid: the evidence, much as alina would like to turn a blind eye to it, is stacked against alia — and alina no longer has the excuse of the same youth and naivety that had mottled her vision of the darkling. )
You know as I do that power isn't always so easy to control.
[As beloved as anything Alina gifts her is – including this, the glimpse into her past, her life before Saltburnt, a cracked door through which shadows spill – Alia loathes the cause of it. The monstrosity of this place has wrenched away the safe, peaceful, sunlit bubble of safety they had created, her and Paul and Alina, the idea that any of them could simply be young and in love and not chosen or marked by fate.
The veil is gone. The bubble, popped. The story that should’ve been given in time, bits and pieces offered as she and Alina grew together, twining vines, shifting sands, as they built a new home, a new family, a new life. It should be murmured in their bed, sunshine streaming in the windows, Alia’s fingers stroking through Alina’s curls, twining one around her fingers as this chapter of her beloved’s life is revealed. It should’ve been told when Alina was ready, and not one moment before.
But they don’t have any more moments. A windowless cell, beneath their feet, awaits Alia by any measure, her accusers stand triumphant, and whatever comes, she will not be there to shield or comfort those she adores. And who knows what the morrow will bring?]
It was him, who I felt. That night I stepped into your mind.
Like an echo. Like a dreamed memory.
That is how it is, for me.
You did not choose that, Alina. You would not.
It wasn’t your fault.
I carry my ancestor’s minds inside my own. They whisper to me, they command and cajole. I have heard them since before I was born.
Sometimes I cannot drown them out. Once, here, my control slipped.
I do not remember that night, Alina. I slept and had no dreams, awoke without blood on my hands, but I do not remember that night.
If I am what they say, they will seek vengeance.
Paul will try to fight them. And I will be locked away, unable to help.
The veil is gone. The bubble, popped. The story that should’ve been given in time, bits and pieces offered as she and Alina grew together, twining vines, shifting sands, as they built a new home, a new family, a new life. It should be murmured in their bed, sunshine streaming in the windows, Alia’s fingers stroking through Alina’s curls, twining one around her fingers as this chapter of her beloved’s life is revealed. It should’ve been told when Alina was ready, and not one moment before.
But they don’t have any more moments. A windowless cell, beneath their feet, awaits Alia by any measure, her accusers stand triumphant, and whatever comes, she will not be there to shield or comfort those she adores. And who knows what the morrow will bring?]
It was him, who I felt. That night I stepped into your mind.
Like an echo. Like a dreamed memory.
That is how it is, for me.
You did not choose that, Alina. You would not.
It wasn’t your fault.
I carry my ancestor’s minds inside my own. They whisper to me, they command and cajole. I have heard them since before I was born.
Sometimes I cannot drown them out. Once, here, my control slipped.
I do not remember that night, Alina. I slept and had no dreams, awoke without blood on my hands, but I do not remember that night.
If I am what they say, they will seek vengeance.
Paul will try to fight them. And I will be locked away, unable to help.
( she bristles, if only because it isn't an accusation without basis. the question still remains: how do you douse a supernova of a temper, once it's already begun to ignite? )
How generous to think of me as an ally now you've been made aware I'm not completely useless.
( a pawn moved by this game, he had called her. silently, she wonders if armand doesn't see her the same, stricken by the same temptation to shift her as a piece on his board, as every powerful man before him has tried. as she blinks, alicent's words stain the back of her eyelids: you come to beg my sway and insult me? )
This may surprise you, but I don't consider you my enemy, Armand.
I save that privilege for very few.
What is it you want?
How generous to think of me as an ally now you've been made aware I'm not completely useless.
( a pawn moved by this game, he had called her. silently, she wonders if armand doesn't see her the same, stricken by the same temptation to shift her as a piece on his board, as every powerful man before him has tried. as she blinks, alicent's words stain the back of her eyelids: you come to beg my sway and insult me? )
This may surprise you, but I don't consider you my enemy, Armand.
I save that privilege for very few.
What is it you want?
I know that you won't want to hear from me, and I don't expect an answer.
I'm so sorry about Paul. I'm sorry you got attacked again. And I'm sorry about Alia, too. I feel for you. I hate that this is happening to you and the people you love.
I'm so sorry about Paul. I'm sorry you got attacked again. And I'm sorry about Alia, too. I feel for you. I hate that this is happening to you and the people you love.
Thank you, for Jacaerys.
I am sorry for the pain you have continued to suffer and for my role in weakening your guard. I would send my Aemond to protect you from now onward, if you would allow it.
I suggest we realign ourselves and hunt for the wolves as they have hunted us: Ruthlessly.
I am sorry for the pain you have continued to suffer and for my role in weakening your guard. I would send my Aemond to protect you from now onward, if you would allow it.
I suggest we realign ourselves and hunt for the wolves as they have hunted us: Ruthlessly.
You and I are united in that.
( for all that alina's well of rage is hard to access, in the numb depths of her belly, shipwrecked under the waters of her grief. )
Everything I touch turns to death, Alicent.
You're risking a target on his head if you send him to me.
( for all that alina's well of rage is hard to access, in the numb depths of her belly, shipwrecked under the waters of her grief. )
Everything I touch turns to death, Alicent.
You're risking a target on his head if you send him to me.
[ everything i touch turns to death, the words plucked from alicent’s own mind. our lady of grief, queen of sorrows. ever more the crone than the maiden or the mother. ]
We have shouldered our own target since the first. The arrows have been multiple and unerring. They have pierced Baela this very night.
But we’ve a chance to send three wolves to the dungeons and remove others from play. One need not be a wolf to be bloodthirsty.
We have shouldered our own target since the first. The arrows have been multiple and unerring. They have pierced Baela this very night.
But we’ve a chance to send three wolves to the dungeons and remove others from play. One need not be a wolf to be bloodthirsty.
And we don't need undeniable proof to stretch the truth. We only need enough to sway others to believe in it.
( idly, she wonders if this is the fresh betrayal aleksander had suffered — the last loss, before he had wound his fingers around the second army's strings and pulled. she feels no ugly shame for it now, drowned out by the pulsing rush of her blood, the tarry sludge in her veins. )
This game
( she shudders, staggering into a pause, by the churn of her stomach. the cupped basin of her mouth, expecting to empty what little contents of her stomach acid are left, swallowing the grotesque swell of it in her throat. )
I had to watch as his corpse pulled me free.
He didn't get to have a peaceful death. That's how they've forced me to remember him.
Whatever mercy I had to spare died with him.
( idly, she wonders if this is the fresh betrayal aleksander had suffered — the last loss, before he had wound his fingers around the second army's strings and pulled. she feels no ugly shame for it now, drowned out by the pulsing rush of her blood, the tarry sludge in her veins. )
This game
( she shudders, staggering into a pause, by the churn of her stomach. the cupped basin of her mouth, expecting to empty what little contents of her stomach acid are left, swallowing the grotesque swell of it in her throat. )
I had to watch as his corpse pulled me free.
He didn't get to have a peaceful death. That's how they've forced me to remember him.
Whatever mercy I had to spare died with him.
[ alicent brings her bandaged fingers to her lips and swallows bile. a reanimated corpse? the dead walking, compelling to enact their roles even when gone from this world. proof that none of them have a choice in this vile game. ]
A violation of the laws of gods and men. It is a wretched thing, and your right to condemn it. As if you have not witnessed cruel enough sights in your life.
[ as orphan, soldier, woman. ]
I need to see you. Will you allow it? I care not if you strike me or scorn me, only that you countenance my presence.
A violation of the laws of gods and men. It is a wretched thing, and your right to condemn it. As if you have not witnessed cruel enough sights in your life.
[ as orphan, soldier, woman. ]
I need to see you. Will you allow it? I care not if you strike me or scorn me, only that you countenance my presence.
Some would say the same about me.
About what I've done to bring back Jacaerys.
( there's no room for mourning her girlish dreams — i thought i could be happier here, she thinks, the first corpse in the morgue of her dead fantasies. i thought i could be free of my past. i thought fate could be kinder to me. a thousand fantasies, meant to rot alongside paul atreides.
she settles for the less vulnerable truth, honesty that feels less like autopsying her own decaying heart. )
I'm not good company right now.
But I wouldn't turn you away.
About what I've done to bring back Jacaerys.
( there's no room for mourning her girlish dreams — i thought i could be happier here, she thinks, the first corpse in the morgue of her dead fantasies. i thought i could be free of my past. i thought fate could be kinder to me. a thousand fantasies, meant to rot alongside paul atreides.
she settles for the less vulnerable truth, honesty that feels less like autopsying her own decaying heart. )
I'm not good company right now.
But I wouldn't turn you away.
You returned a boy to his family, Alina. A family that has already lost a child. I will not forget it, nor will Rhaenyra.
[ alicent slips her riding cloak on and leaves her rooms, relieved that aemond has been occupied with his own allies this day. ]
I shall knock on your door shortly.
[ alicent slips her riding cloak on and leaves her rooms, relieved that aemond has been occupied with his own allies this day. ]
I shall knock on your door shortly.
None yet. Prince Aemond and I are working on gathering names.
Whoever attacked me brought someone with them to finish the job. That makes the list harder to narrow.
( a staggered beat, allowing the elephant in the room to suffocate her for a moment, before: )
I haven't made many friends lately, either.
Plenty of people might have wished harm on Paul and I.
Whoever attacked me brought someone with them to finish the job. That makes the list harder to narrow.
( a staggered beat, allowing the elephant in the room to suffocate her for a moment, before: )
I haven't made many friends lately, either.
Plenty of people might have wished harm on Paul and I.
Someone who wanted you dead wanted Paul dead, likely because they knew he saved your life before. Perhaps wolves could be working together? Someone doing yours a favor by attacking Paul. It could be a personal grudge, or it could be someone angered they didn't finish the job the first time.
( maybe the first time wasn't personal? or maybe it was. but he feels like this time was very personal. )
If you think of names, tell me. I'm feeling very ready to stop waiting for votes.
( a beat. )
I wish I could help you in other ways. This is the best I can do for you as I know how. I am sorry for what you lost in Paul. I am sorry that Alia has been forced into this game. I am sorry for what you have suffered.
( maybe the first time wasn't personal? or maybe it was. but he feels like this time was very personal. )
If you think of names, tell me. I'm feeling very ready to stop waiting for votes.
( a beat. )
I wish I could help you in other ways. This is the best I can do for you as I know how. I am sorry for what you lost in Paul. I am sorry that Alia has been forced into this game. I am sorry for what you have suffered.
hey
so... i'm not going to offer you condolences bc if i were in your shoes those don't mean shit. but if you need a distraction or something, lemme know
i've got weed and know some great music for when you're pissed off
so... i'm not going to offer you condolences bc if i were in your shoes those don't mean shit. but if you need a distraction or something, lemme know
i've got weed and know some great music for when you're pissed off
We've both lost someone we love. I wish you had returned to better news.
( and that makes for a shared, terrible understanding between them. misery, alina has found, is a stronger bond than any debt paid or alliance offered. )
You can repay your debt by showing Alia mercy. I don't expect you to forgive her, but ...
Some people will hear of your death, and think of her as a monster. But she's just a girl who never meant for any of this to happen.
( and that makes for a shared, terrible understanding between them. misery, alina has found, is a stronger bond than any debt paid or alliance offered. )
You can repay your debt by showing Alia mercy. I don't expect you to forgive her, but ...
Some people will hear of your death, and think of her as a monster. But she's just a girl who never meant for any of this to happen.
I have grown used to news such as this, I fear. ( to lose a loved one, though Baela stands different than the rest for above all else she was to be his wife. she stands in a different place than Harwin Strong, Aunt Laena, his father, Princess Rhaenys and Luke; it hurts in a different way. ) I do believe those we have lost, you and I, would want justice above all else.
( and then there is a pause between his next response, the bubbles of text appear and disappear. then: ) Have you seen her use her powers before?
( and then there is a pause between his next response, the bubbles of text appear and disappear. then: ) Have you seen her use her powers before?
Edited 2024-10-13 03:43 (UTC)
Paul would want them dead.
Your betrothed might be more practiced in forgiveness than my husband.
( shame constricts her chest. baela, who had only wanted justice for her betrothed. alina, who stands in the same miserable position a girl younger than her had weathered with far more grace. she can't bring herself to share the same clemency for the animal way paul had been put down, all the same, like a sick dog.
she lapses into a pause, considering. it's not so much a fabrication to say yes — paul, not alia, had used the same compulsion, the same gift, to manipulate her as a doll might. a control alina had a hand in welcoming. a control jace had not been permitted. she shutters that knowledge of paul's gifts away, into a locked box, not meant to spill out.
house atreides has suffered one exposure too many, already. )
They were used on me, once. Why?
Your betrothed might be more practiced in forgiveness than my husband.
( shame constricts her chest. baela, who had only wanted justice for her betrothed. alina, who stands in the same miserable position a girl younger than her had weathered with far more grace. she can't bring herself to share the same clemency for the animal way paul had been put down, all the same, like a sick dog.
she lapses into a pause, considering. it's not so much a fabrication to say yes — paul, not alia, had used the same compulsion, the same gift, to manipulate her as a doll might. a control alina had a hand in welcoming. a control jace had not been permitted. she shutters that knowledge of paul's gifts away, into a locked box, not meant to spill out.
house atreides has suffered one exposure too many, already. )
They were used on me, once. Why?
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